Finding the Good in your Grief

Finding the Good in your Grief

Today is one of those tough days. It's my dad's birthday. My dad passed away last November. It was sudden and very unexpected. His sudden death took my sibling and I by storm. There were so many unanswered questions. So many things we still had to tell him. His death coming 18 years, almost to the exact day that my mother passed away, was something else in itself. I was angry at him, then began to be angry at my mom all over again.  

The relationship between my father and I have not always been rainbows and butterflies. We definitely had some rocky periods. But all in all, that still was my dad. On this day, I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be down. I want to find the good in my grief. Not just with him, but with my other family members as well. I often think of the better memories and focus less on the negative ones. I wouldn't care if it was just one memory, I will choose to focus on that rather than the bad or how he died. I looked at my childhood pictures last night. Seeing those childhood moments, I felt the love through the pictures. 

As an adult, I now understand why the relationship between us was as it was. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't my fault. I look at it as if it was life. And we all know that sometimes life be life-ing. He did what he knew. And that was okay. As I am writing this, I have a sense of forgiveness. The times of me wondering why I wasn't enough for him to be constant and consistent; it was never like that. He loved all of us and showed all of us in his own way. 

I guess I can say in writing this, I have found my good in my grief as it relates to him. I found forgiveness. And when it comes to my mom, I found my purpose. I know her legacy lives on through me. The work I do is what she instilled in me. The way I nurture, care, and want what's best for everyone is what she taught me. Seeing her nurture kids that weren't hers. Her having me mentor young ladies that were slightly younger than me. She taught me how to observe people and take notes of behaviors. 

Thank you to the both of you. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Old Man (Insider). Thinking of you today reminded me that good can be found within my pain. Not saying that I won't grieve. I will always grieve, but I have learned to find the silver lining. It will look different to each individual. But think of the good moments. Reflect on the things you have learned from them. It can get hard, but keep pushing.

 Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning. Psalms 30:5

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