Over the past few weeks, I’ve been sitting with some tough truths about myself.
Whew… and when I say tough, I mean the kind that don’t whisper. They show up loud.
Uninvited. Unfiltered. Uncomfortable.
Things I tucked away from childhood… resurfacing.
Old wounds I thought I had healed… speaking again.
Hearing truths from others that forced me to pause and really look at myself.
And baby… coming face to face with my trust and abandonment issues?
That hasn’t been easy.
Not at all.
But here’s what I know for sure...acknowledgment is growth.
You have to know your truth.
And not just know it… own it.
Because if you don’t?
It will follow you.
It will show up in your relationships.
In your decisions.
In your silence.
Over and over again until you finally face it.
A couple of months ago, someone held a mirror up to me.
And I couldn’t run from it.
I couldn’t talk my way around it.
I couldn’t “coach” my way out of it.
All I could do… was sit in it.
And cry.
Because it was real.
Now, every single day, I ask myself one question when I look in the mirror:
“Are you showing up today?”
Not the polished version.
Not the “I got it all together” version.
But the real version.
You have to be intentional about that thang.
You have to choose, every single day, to show up authentically.
And let me tell you…
Sometimes it’s pretty.
And sometimes?
It’s ugly.
Lately, I’ve found myself grieving.
Grieving the young girl who still misses her mom.
Grieving the young woman who lost years trying to survive instead of live.
Grieving the version of me that had to endure trauma just to become who I am today.
And if I’m honest…
There are moments where I sit and wonder…
What if?
What if things had been different?
What if I had been protected?
What if I had known then what I know now?
But here’s where I’m landing…
I may not have control over what happened to me,
but I have full control over how I show up for myself now.
This reflection?
It’s not here to shame me.
It’s here to sharpen me.
To stretch me.
To remind me that healing is not a destination, but it’s a decision I have to make daily.
So today…
I choose to show up.
With the truth.
With the tears.
With the growth.
Unshaken. and STILL BECOMING.
— Coach Jai