The Kulture

The Kulture

* Note: Everything written is truly based on my opinion.

The influence that the culture has had on society has been laying real heavy on me lately. It was originally supposed to be a book, but hey...Here we are. I figured I wanted it to become more of a discussion. I am always open to hearing your views on any topic I put out. You are free to email me at 


# 1: What’s the 411

If we take it back to the 90’s, Mary J. Blige had this dope album called “ What’s the 411”. That is probably one of my favorite albums. I often think back to the influences we had when I was younger. Let me tell you, TIMES HAVE CHANGED. The generation now has so many social media platforms with so many different influences. We have everyone from musicians to IG models. Social media is playing a huge part on how we think, view ourselves, our outlook on life, etc… 

Society has made it seem as if we have to live a certain lifestyle to be successful or look a certain way. Over the next few chapters, I will break down a couple things that I have noticed. No, these are not necessarily facts, but more of an observation.

# 2: Real Love

“Real love. I’m searching for a real love. Something to set my heart free. Real love”. Dating in the 90’s and early 2000’s is nothing like it is today. There wasn’t as much technology then, so everything was in-person. There was no texting, face time, etc… You shot your shot in person. There were real dates. Not so much of the “Netflix and Chill”, but more so of the “Put some clothes on and let’s go”.

It’s now 2023, people notice all of the “relationship goals” on social media and try to compare to these stereotypes.  Time has been limited due to the amount of time spent scrolling on the internet. Not to mention the drama from posting, and the negativity caused by comparing you and your relationships to those viewed on social sites. Doing that then uproots the imposter syndrome you didn’t even know you had. What is imposter syndrome, you may ask. Imposter Syndrome is basically pretending to be someone else. You want the appearance of what you see on social sites so badly that you recreate this person in yourself to fit the statistics of what you see. 

Now, as a coach, I would strongly suggest going back to the early ways of dating. I am a hopeless romantic that is in tune with myself. I also believe in the love language theory. Life isn’t a race, it is truly a marathon. Get to know yourself. There are many ways to indulge in self care. Find new hobbies. In the end, your relationship is yours. Do what works for you. Social media shows you only what they want you to see. Every relationship has ups and downs, don’t let it fool you. Everyone isn’t getting “flew’d out”, waking up to designer bags in another country, getting surprised with the latest foreign car, or having $100,000 weddings. 

Rise above the stigma that social media has placed out there. There is nothing wrong with picnics, a walk in the park, ice cream on the beach, and a good old fashioned in-person conversation. Enjoy each other. Keep some things within the relationship and keep negativity out. There is a level of being genuinity that is so attractive. 

Like really, would you want someone coming up to you looking like everyone else on the internet? Coming to you with the same pick up lines and going on the exact same dates you see everywhere else? Some people may enjoy that. But it hits different when going along with something outside of the new normal. 

# 3: Unpretty

Check it. It’s 1999. The popular girl group, TLC, has dropped their new song titled, “Unpretty”. “ You can buy your hair if it won’t grow. You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make. But if you can’t look inside you, find out who I am to be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty.”

The Kulture has projected an image of beauty on us for years. Everything from weight, hair, lashes and lace fronts to how our asses and breast are. Society has labeled the ideal body image. Body makeovers under the knife have become the normal. Now if that’s your thing,by all means, do you! As a young adult seeing these images, it puts a lot of pressure on them. They are at an age where they are easily influenced by what they see and hear. BDD ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) is real. By definition, it’s a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance no matter how small it is. The person may try many surgical procedures, and exercise to correct it while never being satisfied. 

From my early teens to early thirties, I struggled with BDD. I had this image of what I thought beauty was and I did not fit in it. I struggled with every part of myself. My skin was too dark. My nose was too big. The birthmark in the middle of my forehead. My breasts were too big. I wasn’t slim enough. My hair texture wasn’t pretty enough. Hell, I wasn’t pretty enough. In high school, I remember making the cheer squad and becoming anorexic because I didn’t think I fit the image. That did not last long because I almost passed out at practice and a friend told my mom. Then, I found myself bulimic. After my mom heard me having a session in the bathroom, that quickly ended. From that point no matter how much attention I got, I still felt disgusted with myself. I wanted so badly to fit the image society had set up that I thought I was disgusting. Like throwing up looking at myself, disgusting. In my relationship, I didn’t want to be seen naked. I was the one married and still having sex under the covers and making sure my stomach was covered. 

It wasn’t until 2019, that I took a good look at myself. I spoke positive affirmations over myself, left my toxic marriage, and reclaimed my life that I began to see the true beauty in who I was.  

If you want to see yourself differently, you have to look at yourself differently. The Kulture isn’t you are supposed to be. You are in control of that. We often look too deep into who society wants us to be instead of taking the time to really look at who is in the mirror. Surgery and a variety of medications have made it easy to submit to the Kulture’s temptations of being perfectly made. Being natural is still beautiful. Exercise will always be healthy. Don’t let society make you feel unpretty. Don’t let others make you feel less than because you don’t fit in the image that they think you should fit in. Be you. Be authentic. 




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